SIGH

dont know why this would bother me as much as it does....i mean i dont care that MASTER goes out with HIS other slave or anyone for that matter, but when it is a BDSM event, i have said before i would like to go so that i can also learn and make friends within the lifestyle, i dont mean i need to go to every event with HIM and her just feel like im an embarrassment or the third wheel when and if its decided i get to go.
last time i went i am thankful and MASTER was wonderful.. but i guess HE didnt realize how it made me feel that noone remembered me and someone had asked "are you part of this family"... like they think MASTER only has one slave and seems to be the only one that gets to go to events with MASTER.
i dont go anywhere with MASTER, out that is, like to an event, a movie, dinner, picnics etc etc.
i dont mean to complain but if it is always going to be that im left out especially in this lifestyle...does that mean HE is embarrassed about me, or just doesnt want to protect me while out? i mean MASTER teaches me and takes care of me but i have NO friends within the lifestyle i can talk to or hang out with.. i had my sista slave but obviously something has changed and we barely speak.
like i said i dont care HE goes out without me, but it seems like its all the time..especially when it comes to BDSM events and get togethers...

guess this is where MASTER would say that i am thinking too much...

but also guess since ill be moving to florida and will be away from MASTER for some period of time i want to be able to go do things with HIM, spend as much time as i can with HIM get a stronger bond and just be near HIM, b4 its time for me to go to florida. a lifetime with HIM is worth being apart for a few months or more, but it isnt going to be easy even if its only HIM holding me.

i have told HIM a few times that i loved HIM, i keep wondering will i ever hear HIM tell me HE loves me too.? a girl needs to hear those 3 words..i know if HE ever does its as a MASTER would love HIS slave.

MASTER

cant wait for MASTER to get home yay..

Another Session

Had my second session, more intense i must say :) although we didnt have sex afterwards which is ok cuz you dont always have to have sex after a session but OMG i get sooooooooo horny when going thru a session, and i need to release and my hand doesnt cut it for me. but i cant ask MASTER for sex, cuz ill get beat, and not the good kind of beating. im not complaining but when HE touches me and being flogged and paddled etc i get sooooo turned on and wet. hopefully ill get some when we go to bed, if not im gonna be hurting cuz QUEEN is coming down tomorrow then they will be going to florida and i have to go without for who knows how long....but HE is worth the wait, my legs will be crossed alot though...lol...

Thursdays Thoughts

Went into work tired and wanting to go back to bed. some reason i feel as if im not completely sleeping at night, i know i sleep best when with MASTER its hard for me not to but i know i cant always sleep with HIM. you can tell when i dont the next day im dragging from being too tired. but thats life.
came home cleaned my room washed some clothes and cooked dinner for MASTER it wasnt the best but its what we have til tomorrow when i get paid. i felt bad, cuz MASTER deserves nothing but the best.
as a slave i feel i learn more and more..nothing else really matters to me except knowing at the end of the day that MASTER is happy and hoping i had a part in making HIM happy. til tomorrow...xoxoxo

My first Session

I just had my first session with MASTER, it was great, it lasted an hour, i was paddled, flogged, a pinwheel rolled all over my body OMG....and hot wax dripping on my skin.. i had experienced something special with MASTER that i would never trade for anything. i want to be able to do the things that HE enjoys without HIM holding back in fear its too much for me to handle. i want to be able to endure what HE wants to put out, from paddling, to flogging whatever HE so desires.
i am most happiest when i am serving MASTER, pleasing HIM, and totally submitting to HIM. i can never imagine my life without HIM, without being HIS slave. i hope i never have to find out. i know in a year and a half HE will be moving back home to florida to HIS wife and family and that day will be the hardest for me. i will be happy for HIM, and happy that HE will be reunited with HIS family but to have to see HIM go and not know if ill see HIM again, or get to serve HIM, will be the worst day of my life...and i really am not sure how i will handle it.
BUT as for now i will always serve HIM above and beyond whatever HE requires of me. I love HIM im in love with HIM, as much as a slave can and more. HE will forever have my heart, mind, body and soul, my devotion and total dedication and HE will always be cherished and totally loved.